eternal sunshine

Our cat, Millie, won’t come inside and it’s been this way for a few days now. She only comes in at night and to eat. It’s absolutely freezing outside and she’s no spring chicken! I’ve been calling her for 10 minutes but I can’t even find her and being sick it’s hard to stay outside for even just a minute. I figure if I completely deconstruct my sister’s room - remove her bed, desk, chairs, dresser, etc. then I’d be able to decorate it especially for a cat - an open fire, a pile of clean clothes, a pond with fish in it, endless supplies of food and milk and the best cat toys known to cat-kind and perhaps she’d want to come in then. I don’t know what she’s doing outside but she goes funny when my grandma isn’t well because she was originally my grandma’s cat. Right now (as far as I know) my grandma is doing okay. I just want our kitty to come inside where it’s warm, cosy and where food is actually properly presented, not some dead rat with grass -.- MILLIE COME INSIDE RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE POSSUM! I MISS YOU MOUSEY AND YOU’RE TOO CUTE TO BE OUT IN THE COLD. WE ALL LOVE YOU JUST IN CASE YOU THINK WE DON’T LIKE YOU! MY GOD, MILLIE!

Okay, mum, I get it that you’re tired but seriously just fuck off! I am sick and all you do is yell at me! For your stupid fucking information I did cover my fucking mouth when I coughed and I am trying as hard as possible to get better but it doesn’t help when my stupid sister picks on me and when I have to let the dog out in the freezing cold all the time. Shit! If you want me to get better maybe think about that?! I swear to god I would prefer to go to tafe tomorrow and fucking die from sickness because I don’t want to put up with your shit any longer. I try to help you even though I’m sick and can’t stop coughing when we go out. I pushed your stupid trolley today and all you do is yell at me for ‘doing it wrong’. Oh my god! If it’s so fucking wrong you do it! See how you like being shat all over when you’re sick because I’ll give you the worst time of your stupid life next time you’re sick. I hope you enjoy payback you bitch.

When your family doctor bulk bills your full time working mum then you go there complains of real symptoms and get told you have migraines, and are then asked if you’re still studying and then get smacked with a whopping bill at the end of it. -.- no offence but I hate our doctors!

Dad: “mum said she’d be home after six, it’s after six now” Me: “fuck! Are you kidding me?! You sound like a bloody three year old!” -.-

:( I hate it when people stuff you around.

Being half Italian I appreciate good pasta, pizza, lasagne and any other Italian food. In the past few days I have seen TWO separate people making spaghetti bolognese pizza. I’m sure it tastes okay but that’d be such a heavy meal and THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ENJOYED AS TWO DIFFERENT MEALS! Lol at how Australia is trying to ‘better’ already perfect Italian food.

Woke up and DIDN’T go blind again. My day’s already peaking :D

Today, after being in the shower I got really weak and had to sit on the bathroom floor. All of a sudden I needed to be sick so I tipped the water out of the dog’s drinking bucket and held it beside me in case I needed it. Not even a minute later I was completely blinded and had a splitting migraine. Two minutes passed and I finally could see again. After visiting the doctor it’s confirmed to be some sort of migraine. All day I panicked that I had a brain tumour.

Today has been one busy day! I went to class and actually learnt about as much as I would have learnt in THREE WEEKS with my old teacher. It was freezing and for the four millionth time I trusted my iPhone to tell me the weather and actually be accurate! I got home at 3.30pm and my dad has a man cold so I had to endure his complaints until 4.45pm and I naturally considered sitting outside in the cold until somebody sane got home! Then I let my dog out the front and this lady starts approaching me so I walk over to her. “Hi, is this your car?” “*gulp* um..yes” “I’m very sorry but my friend just ran into it” WELL FUCK what am I supposed to say?! They were all really nice and apologetic and surprisingly I was really quite calm and forgiving. Truth is, it’s not major, it’s completely legal to drive still and we swapped insurance details. I don’t care. Dad does. He was furious because my car was parked on the street. Mum argued with him. I helped Mum do some gardening and helped her put the chooks to bed and do the washing. Then I watched The Voice and Dad had a doctors appointment so now he’s gotten a certificate to stay home Tuesday and Wednesday as well :( tomorrow I’ll go study at a library so I don’t have to put up with Mr. Sooky-Pants. Yay!

When somebody says they love you and it takes all your energy to muster up the courage to say “I love you too” instead of “cool, I don’t really care” simply because they make you so upset and anxious that knowing them has done more bad than good. Worst. Day. Ever.